As a child I remember a picture window in our living room. Thin rectangular sections of colored glass framed what was for me, really a magickal portal through which I first observed my external world.
One eye open, one eye closed, switching my perspective, back and forth––I would try and imagine what qualities inhabitants occupying each fully-saturated landscape of primary color might share. And without knowing it, my first memory of early childhood was forged.
Despite the disruptions of divorce that soon would impose its conflict as the overall theme of my pre-adolescence, my imagination continues to flourish mostly uninterrupted, perhaps though allowing me to find great solace ideally where NO child should––in my isolation and uncertainty. If it were NOT for the the speed bump of puberty, and the absolute vacuum any real foreknowledge of what this great hormonal transformation would entail, I am now ALL but too painfully aware the cost exacted on the well being of both my personal and professional self.
What's more, is during the formative years of my adolescence and then continuing throughout the span of my adult life––any sense of security or well being is deeply rooted in the same modalities of isolation, as is much the expression of my sexuality––and at times very much so.
on our nuclear family unit
where to come, ,
Today, I celebrate my 55 birthday.
ALL of my earliest memories are in fact in proximity of that window.
Watergate, along with "It's NOT Nice to Fool Mother Nature", the
Inadvertently,
And these first moments of isolation and uncertainty I found great solace.
Despite a sudden evacuation from public school in third grade and the war torn ravages of divorce, the freedom of my imagination pretty much flourished, uninterrupted until puberty.
And today, as an adult, I am acutely aware of how the lack of
-- .
entailed
the dysfunction the lack of knowledge of my own sexuality has wrought , for me,
In these moments of isolation and uncertainty I found great solace.
Set against a snowy backdrop of our white-picket fence front yard.
With
many a childhood hour
There were moments I found Isolation and uncertainty while not
lawn.
Later, before the painful onset of puberty which
Later I would see
It was .
on rr1 Winisquam, New Hampshire.
I remember peering through examining each attribute imagining what kind of world and those who inhabited each primary color against the es backdrop of our snow covered front yard.
going color to color, imagining the kind of world and the type lives of those who inhabited a fully saturated world of each primary
each of the th
which defined the
when gazed through defined Depending upon which of the three primaries
I remember the very moment I feel in love twenty years ago.
As fate would have it, He was my very first date on on very . It was when the first time I knew I underswith a man it was when I understood
it was with a man whose chil
M
There are two types of exceptions. Those which prove the rule -- and those that clearly are
call denote 'these rules do not apply)
Uncertainty and isolation
great solace in uncertainty for me as a child--NOT that a
I understood there was a great solace found in uncertainty would shield
It's NOT what you think, if you think about it. It shouldn't work, tho it does. So who needs luck, when you're lucky?
To be a child is to be uncertain, yet a childhood lived in uncertainty, is really no childhood at ALL.
How is it then
Why is it then the average homogeneous, homocentric adult bipedal homosapien is
for anyone.
.
childhood should
And perhaps I was.
What you know,
The great solace of certainty isn't for everyone.
in uncertainty.
, as much is the nature of childhood.
nature.
. And to an e
ce
understood the importance of uncertainty.
and more so how the quality of that limitation
Now I'm uncertain of just about everything and that just pisses me off.
It's an epidemic, actually. And it's hardwired to our DNA.
The response to any limitation is to push.
It's simply our collective response as a multi-cellular bio-organism coming up-against an invisible 4th dimensional barrier
My anger is NOT misplaced, that is until I start pointing fingers
When Mark Zuckerberg created the multinational mega platform that he's desperately trying to retro-fit
meta despir
besides being pissed off, it gives me hope. Because if we can't
Thomocentric homogenously this an adult ever the homogeneously homocentric bipedal adult homosapian, bipedal homosexual I am,
bipedal, adult homosexual homosapien I am, it mostly pisses me off.
homosapien bipedal homosexual
homogeneous, bipedal, adult homocentric, homosapian/homosexual (and yes, I realize that's a lot of homo for some)